"I wasn't even that drunk" "Dude, you were at a concert with strobe lights and screamed "MERRY CHRISTMAS"
You bought a milkshake from Dairy Queen and a burger from Burger King and had a wedding...
Big rock hard dicks have taken over the world. Do cats wear hats. What happened to that hat you bastard?
the one thing someone with glasses can never see clearly is their glasses
There should be a sleeping button that gets rid of the beeping on a microwave when you get a midnight snack.
If Hillary had one good card while playing poker, would she use her Trump card, or hide it and fold?
The FitnessGram Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal bodeboop. A sing lap should be completed every time you hear this sound. ding Remember to run in a straight line and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark. Get ready!… Start.
I took a piss on my sisters shower soaps so she has been bathing in some of my urine
In grades 1-5 I use to be a huge Pokemon fanatic. I traded and collected Pokemon cards everyday at recces getting all these cool cards. One of my best friend's had all the best cards in this big ass binder and whom I was super jealous of. One day during recess I saw him go into the bathroom with his cards and I followed him. I guess he had to poo because he want into the stall. I saw the binder on the floor and snatched them as quick as possible. I quickly to my hook(locker) to put the binder in my bag. I was successful and I never got caught. He is still my friend till this very day and still doesn't know it's me and I still got those cards with me.