Just committed murder? Say that the victim killed himself by shoving your knife into his body.
Don't have condoms? Use saran wrap and a rubber band
Put two spoons on your eyes and wait for an hour. You will be colour-blind for the rest of the day!
You want a tattoo but are worried about needles? Use your pens! Although it takes time to practice using those on your skin if you're not the tattoo artist, it's painless and there's no risk of infections, so it's perfectly safe for newbies. If you want a permanent tattoo, use permanent markers instead.
Tired of annoying teachers, lots of homework, bullying 'schoolmates', keeping on getting bad grades? Then drop the school! You won't have to put with the school problems if you don't attend to any school. It's better to learn on your own anyway.
Bored? Drive your car through a public area like a shopping mall or amusement park and you will get attention within seconds.
Does your life suck? Kill yourself now and end your suffering. Your life can't suck if you don't have one!
If you want equality in your workplace and equal treatment. Get a hammer and sickle.
Bad stomach and bad breath? Drink bleach.
Caught a virus on your PC that your antivirus isn't detecting? Shove some antibiotics in your PC to help it fight the virus!
When you buy a new phone, don't worry about braking your galss by taking a hammer and start pounding your screen till its that much broken that you cant break it anymore.
Want to have a portable washing machine? Easy, just eat your dirty laundry, wash it down with laundry detergent, then sit in one of those vibration recliners.
Fact: Germs make you sick Fact:Germx is a liquid that kills germs. Drink germ x to not get sick.
Put a door stopper right in front of the door frame so the door doesn't slam shut
Do you have some clothes that are to big? Put them in a dryer they should be just your size!
If you have an erection and you want it to down, get a hammer.
Want to skip an ad? Put a rock in its way while its running because then it will need to skip to avoid tripping on it.
Need to answer a hard question? Enter pi and you will get an A because it contains all the numbers that have ever existed.
How to get free money- kidnap your someones dog,wait till the put up a reward poster and return the dog.
Heat oven to 350°. In large mixer bowl; cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add eggs and vanilla; beat well. Combine flour, cocoa, baking soda and salt; gradually blend into creamed mixture. Stir in peanut butter or chocolate chips. Drop by teaspoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheet. Bake 8-9 minutes. (Do not overbake; cookies will be soft. They will puff while baking and flatten while cooling.). Cool slightly; remove from cookie sheet onto wire rack. Cool completely.